How to Give a Cat Eye Drops

It’s easier being vegan.

You know how non-vegans will say

“oh my god, I could never be vegan, I could never give up cheese, I could never give up steak, that would be too HARD.. (whine bitch moan etc)

Well, I was completely addicted to cheese and yogurt and guess what, it’s not hard to give it up. You know what’s hard? GIVING A FREAKING CAT EYEDROPS.

Don't even joke about that.

Don’t even joke about that.

From Cute to Worry

It’s not easy being a pet mom sometimes.  Simba has been winking at me for a while, and it’s damn cute. Until the day comes when he actually doesn’t want to open his left eye at all.

What?

Winky boy.

Since I’ve moved so many times (6 times in the last 7 years alone), I currently do not have a vet close by.  Well, I didn’t before an emergency post on Facebook led me to my new vet on Friday.  I made the mistake of moving the kennel 1″ to the left in preparation for the visit, which prompted said cat to disappear under bed.  I don’t know who got hurt worse in the process of dragging him out… my shoulder still isn’t quite right, and I’m surprised he didn’t leave some claws behind stuck in the carpet. But we made it to the vet.

Anyway, the good news is his eye is not scratched, which means the bad news is it’s likely some sort of mild infection (when you pull back the lids, it’s a little inflamed – so says the vet).  The worse news is, I have to give him 1-2 drops, 2x/day.

YEAH RIGHT.

Well, you know how much I love this cat.

20141018_163719-1

I love you to the stars and back! (meaning, the constellation of freckles on his nose)

But he’s really only this cute when he’s sleeping. Otherwise, he’s, well, a cat. He only gives, or receives, affection, when it is convenient for him.  He’s rather squirrley when it comes to hugs, and I’ve spent the last 4 years of his life getting him to learn to tolerate being picked up and held, at all.  He doesn’t scratch, hiss, or bite – but will worm his way backwards out of the strongest grip.

So here are my instructions on how to give a cat eyedrops:

  1. Quit while you’re ahead.

Just kidding. But seriously:

  1. Sneak up on cat while he is sleeping on bed in position where his left eye is tilted upwards.
  2. Gently open left eye with left hand and squeeze drops in from right.

BAHAHAHA. It totally doesn’t work that way at all.

  1. Sneak up on cat while he is sleeping.
  2. Gently grab his head with left hand while prepping medicine bottle in right.
  3. When cat squirms, increase left hand grab to death grip to one level below crushing cat’s skull.
  4. Squirt medicine all over his face, but not in eye.
  5. Give up
  6. Repeat

So that’s how it went the first 2 days. After about 6 attempts I probably got about the equivalent of 1/2 drop in his eye.  And in the process, I honestly feared this almost affectionate fur-child would never trust me again.

Don't give up on me yet mom!

Don’t give up on me yet mom!  But truthfully I’m cutest from afar.

Phase 2. Enlist help.

After luring boyfriend over with the promise of sex (well, he is my boyfriend…), we managed to clip both cat’s nails (desperately overdue) – as said boyfriend is expert cat scruffer (and I have yet failed to grow a third arm which would be required to hold cat, hold paw, and operate clippers at once).

As Simba was held in the expertly executed scruff position, I tried to get a drop in.  Did not realize cat’s head would be in totally wrong position, but after a few adjustments, we managed to get a drop in.  Cat reacts like it is poison.  Does it really sting, I wonder? or is it just the whole experience?

Oddly enough, cat hid under bed while I made good on my promise.

Day 4

At this point, his eye is actually starting to look better (eg, he’s opening it), despite that fact that he’s only gotten the equivalent of about 2 drops in (and 6 skull-crushing sessions).

Even better than this remarkable improvement – is the GRANDMA!  Grandma came over 2 days in a row and we employed a new strategy of scruffing-whilst-forcing-cat-lying-down-on-right-side to ensure proper head angle.  Two very solid drops each time (for 2 days).  I decided it was more important for my cat to not hate me than to continue with ineffective skull-crushing-medicine-all-over-face sessions, so that was it.

Time will tell.

The next few days I won’t have any help.  Sometimes, you are just on your own (ok, for me, that’s most of the time). And learning how to be a good petmom means struggling to achieve that elusive balance of: learning new cat-handling skills (it would be easier to grow a third arm), trying to gauge “How Infected Is His Eye – Really”, not actually crushing his tiny little precious cat skull, and encouraging him to trust me to not always almost-crush-skull/drop-poison-in-eye every time he comes to give/get affection.

Those beautiful eyes.

Those beautiful eyes. He’s worth it.

Yes, yours are pretty too, Tigger.

Yes, yours are pretty too, Tigger, but this isn’t about you.

So, if anyone has any tips, or patterns for kitty straight jackets, please leave a comment!

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