You know it’s Monday when…

WARNING:  NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART

…You have to google for tips on “How to get poop out of cat fur.”

Oh, the shame.

Oh, the shame.

Here’s how:

  1. Get box of 50 latex gloves from closet.
  2. Pray for cat to stay in one part of your apartment.  If you don’t pray now is a good time to start.
  3. Put on gloves.
  4. Use wet paper towels and yank on cat’s ass fur. He won’t like this. Dispose of gloves.
  5. Talk sweetly to cat.
  6. Get new gloves.
  7. Get scissors.
  8. Brush cat (Tigger likes this, and he’ll roll over for it).
  9. Grab poopfur and CAREFULLY trim a small amount.  With the hand that is holding the poopfur, take glove off turning it inside out in the process. Dispose of glove with poopfur inside.
  10. Try not to hurl because you are gagging on the smell.
  11. Get new gloves. 
  12. Repeat steps 2-11 about 15 times.
  13. Give cat treats for not sitting on desk and bed and pillow. 

Afterwards:

  1. Turn on (battery operated/LED cat-proof) scented candles.
  2. Wash hands.
  3. Vacuum.
  4. Wash hands.
  5. Disinfect all surfaces.
  6. Wash hands.
  7. Disinfect scissors.
  8. Wash hands.
  9. Don’t worry that you may become a compulsive hand-washer. It’s ok.
  10. Try to remember not to kiss the cat later.
  11. Look at cute pictures of cats so you remember why you love them.
2012-02-14_12-38-17_240

Awww.

Awwww.

Awwww.

Awww.

Awww.

I love you Tigger, poop and all!

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